Sometimes it feels like everyone’s talking about sex! ‘Losing your virginity’ and having sex for the first time can feel like a big deal but it’s not a race and you want to feel good about it. Sex is only one part of a relationship and having sex is not proof of love! Sexuality is about more than just sex – it’s about who we’re attracted to (boys, girls, both or no-one) and other sexual activities that we can enjoy safely. Everyone has the right to enjoy their sexuality and have consensual sex, whatever their sexual orientation, gender identity, HIV status or other differences, including persons with disabilities.

Things to remember for safe, enjoyable sex!

• Wait until you feel ready and only have sex if you really want to– don’t do it to look ‘cool’ or because you think all your friends are, its not a race. Do you feel physically and emotionally ready? Do you feel relaxed, comfortable and safe? Remember you can change your mind at any point and say no.
• Make sure you ask for and get consent for sex – Consent is when someone says yes clearly and happily and doesn’t feel under any pressure with their answer.
• Talk about it! Good communication = good safe sex. Talk to your partner about how you feel and what you both like/don’t like. You shouldn’t do anything that you don’t want to do.
• Remember, you can enjoy different types of sex and different ways to be close and intimate.
• Make sure you use contraception including condoms so you can enjoy having sex and aren’t worrying about getting pregnant or a sexually transmitted infection (STI), including HIV. You can get condoms and contraception from your local clinic.
• Remember that having sex for the first time, having sex standing up and ‘withdrawing’ (pulling out the penis before ‘coming’ or ejaculating) don’t stop you from getting pregnant or getting an STI.
• Remember the ‘C words’ – communication, consent, contraception and condoms!

Staying safe and taking care

• Offering money and gifts to a person to do things is a form of bribery or control. If you accept gifts in exchange for sex it gives a person more power over you and you may feel less able to choose the type of relationship and sex you have.
• Don’t have sex especially for the first time when you’re drunk or stoned – it doesn’t usually go well and you want to remember it! Remember that people can’t give their consent if they are drunk or under the influence of drugs.
• If you’re worried you might be pregnant or have an STI it’s important to go to the clinic as soon as possible. Most STIs can be treated if you get advice, and treatment early and the services are confidential. These services are important and available for everyone including during COVID-19.

Tate has a friend Samuel who is always boasting about how many girls he has sex with. He tells Tate that the easiest way to get them to have sex is to pick the ones who are really drunk and give them more alcohol. Samuel proudly describes how he can do what he wants when they are sleeping or unconscious.

What should Tate do?

1. Talk to Samuel and try and convince him that what he’s doing is wrong.
2. Ignore him and just let him show off.
3. Report him - he has described rape and non-consensual sexual activity which is a crime.

It is hard to act on something when it is a friend but when someone else is at risk of harm you cannot be a bystander and ignore what is happening. If Samuel is telling the truth, he may have committed serious crimes. Tate might want to talk to him and find out more of the facts but if he believes Samuel has done the things he says, he should tell someone to get help in reporting it.